Caution: Flies were harmed in the making of this blog
Flies…yuck!
Is there anything more irritating than flies?? Sure, there are bad drivers, annoying bosses, philandering spouses, etc., etc., etc…but flies buzz. They buzz around your head, dive bomb your food, and zip off when you try to kill them.
As I sit here writing, one teases me by landing first on the monitor, then the keyboard, and in a move so bold it shakes me to my core, my ARM. Eyew! Then he stops to rub his tiny little dirty feet together (do they even have feet?) and I shoo him away!
Yeah, yeah, I know that flies are part of the ecosystem and they have a job to do. But not in my HOUSE! I have always been of the mind that creepy crawlies and flying torturers should remain outside away from all social areas. If they encroach on my domain in any way, shape, form, then they deserve the ultimate fate that is death. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
We have tried everything to rid our little bit of paradise of these dirty multi-eyed creatures. Fly paper hanging on the deck and in the house (yes, the house, AND we don’t even live in a single-wide!). A bug zapper that, although glowing merrily on the deck, is desperately in need of Viagra as it is woefully IMPOTENT! I swear, it is a plot to drive me crazy!
We recently purchased a tool that looks suspiciously like a tennis racket but is actually a fly executioner. It has two buttons that, when depressed at the same time, creates a current that courses through the wire strings. If lucky, this will occur at the exact moment when a fly comes in contact with the wire strings on the racket. Bliss!
Oh, let me tell you about the satisfaction created when you hear a pop followed by a sizzle and a fly drops to the counter, floor, or whatever surface, and begins spinning wildly around, and around, and around, and around…hmmm…see what I mean by crazy?!
More and more I find myself crouching and lurking around the house trying to zap some unsuspecting fly. It’s more than a little terrifying and I’m concerned that the crouching and lurching will soon be joined by drooling and talking to myself!
Every single morning there are 6-10 of ‘em out there on the deck partying like it’s 1999. I quickly open the screen to let the furry do his thing in the dog run and try to wait until his tail clears the door before I slam it shut. Sometimes it is a verrrry close call. I stand there watching them buzz around playfully and debate whether I should start the day’s battle knowing that my sanity will drain away as the little winged monsters zig and zag away from my attempts to kill them.
Actually, you know, it’s a little like golf. Just as I’m ready to throw in the towel and the executioner racket…I get one! Pop! Zap! Whirl! Whew…and I am right back in the game. 
I just sayin’…maybe sanity is just a titch overrated…
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